Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Silly Me....
To you - thank you..for making me who I am today. A jerk.
p.s. This poem even sucks..lol...really was trying hard to make it rhyme
Why did you quickly turn away?
That's an answer I need to hear you say.
I thought we were doing quite fine
which led me to hope that it could be more, given the right time
you were smiling and accommodating when we go out
and even the times when I was visiting you in the bank
And for that I only have the heavens to thank
But came that day that you started ignoring me,
Leaving me stumped with all these uncertainties...
You know that I like you so,
A fact that I shared about two months ago.
Why still leave me dazed and confused?
Was it something I did?
Was it something I said?
Was it something I deserved?
And please don't feel like your 'obliged' to text me..
Just because I'm a fool to miss you like crazy..
Life really is full of uncertainties and ironies,
one day you're up and the next one would see you wishing
that you'd never wake up to be free of pain and worries..
I wish letting you go was easy.
But its not.
Maybe you found the right guy,
The one who could make your heart soar and fly
I hope he makes you happy
Because you really deserve to be happy..
Maybe you were still not over him in the first place,
Silly me....
But still, I want to be here for you,
hoping against hope that you'd learn to like me too..
Damn. Silly me...
Wanted: the Spirit of Christmas
My apologies that this post came a little bit too late for its 2007 already. Wishing a happy and prosperous new year to us all. In this crazy and busy world that we live in, time does fly. I haven't even really felt the Christmas season and the next thing I knew, it has already come and gone.
Last week, as I was walking through the halls of a building, christmas decors lined the hallway, throughout the stairs, complete with the christmas lights and all. If that scene happened about 15 to 20 years ago, I'd be a really happy kid. Couple that sight with Christmas songs played over the radio, or hearing choirs or carolers sing their hearts out with their own rendition of the said songs, would really really make my day. Knowing that this is a celebration of baby Jesus's coming into this world, and also of my birthday :p (can't wait to open my gifts during those times). I also remember the times when I waited (trying really hard to stay awake) for Santa to arrive and place our gifts on the stockings that were hung on the window (imagine my dismay and curiosity when I saw the boxes of "Santa's" gifts in the pile of garbage waiting to be burnt).
But as I grew older, the feeling was not just quite the same. This season's luster has really diminished over the years. And has been really just considered as ordinary non-working holidays over the past couple of years.
Has living one's life changed our perception of Christmas? Truth is that as we grew older and getting more matured, we also lost our innocence. That innocence is what defined us as children. We did gain knowledge, wisdom, and other positive stuff as we grew older, but together with that, we also gained cynicism, pessimism, and we now see the imperfections that this world offers. Maybe that is just the law of checks and balances coming into form. We are now pre-occupied on trying to stay alive in this world, not that its a bad thing to be alive, but we are now primarily focused on the material and physical stuff. Choosing to party, spending money on booze and stuff, instead of spending time with your family. Trying to one-up each other in this rat race. But are those the only ones that constitute happiness? I don't think so. I, for one, could now treat myself to some stuff this Christmas that I was not able to have when I was younger. But am I happy? Hmmm. Let me put it this way, if I were, the title would definitely not be me trying to find the "spirit of Christmas" back.
Another thing that I have really recognized as I got to be more "independent" the past couple of years is how much I miss my family. Surely, there would be no sermons, no "do-this-and-don't-do-that" speeches, no curfews whatsoever (this I really appreciate though), but still being with one's family is really really important to me, especially during this Christmas season. And how I wished I went home. Still nothing beats spending special occassions with those that have been special to you throughout the years.
If anyone might see the spirit of Christmas lurking around somewhere, would you say to it that I want its company back? The same being that accompanied me through the hours of waiting for Santa to come by. The one who helped me blow the candles off of my birthday cake. The one who made me appreciate the simple songs sung by carolers; the simple Christmas tree we assembled in our house during this time of year; the simple decors and lights that adorned our house; and the simple food that our mother prepared for our noche buena; and the simple celebration that our family partook during those years of yore. I want to have its presence back to remind and instill in me the innocence of being a child, the simple joys, to help me forget the struggles that we have been encountering in this imperfect and crazy world...... even for just a while.
My first time
Speaking of firsts, this is my first time to create an entry for a "blog" of any sort. It feels weird trying to think of stuff "creative" enough so as not to humiliate myself if and when someone should get a hold of this and read this. As they say, first impressions last :p
Anyways, earlier today, I also attended a wedding, which was another first for me. For the last time that I attended one was when I was made a coin bearer years ago. Those were the days when I was still a cute and cuddly kid instead of a grown and grumpy lad :p So that doesn't count, for I couldn't care less of what happened in that ceremony and who were those who got married.
But now is a different thing, I knew the groom and understood what exactly marriage is all about. I felt the happiness and love that surrounded us all. I clapped with glee, together with the others, knowing that this certainly is an accomplishment for the bride and the groom, as they officially sealed their love for each other under the eyes of God.
Could I ever make that vow? Mind you that that really is life-changing and is an event that signals the beginning of a new saga that could only be ended by death. Right now, if I am to be asked, my answer would have to be "no". I am far from being ready yet. Too much uncertainties lie ahead, so many sacrifices have to be made, fears of the unknown seem to frolick should I choose that future.
So, with that, I bid adieu to the thought of me going down the aisle in the near future (for the next 5 years maybe?). But what if I am to meet the girl whom I truly love, who would gladly and firmly hold my hand as we'd venture out into the realms of the unknown? She who shall be there in every step of the way as we would undertake the new life of us being together.. She who shall be at my side as me make those sacrifices that we might have to do..She whom I shall spend the rest of my years with, making the memories of our wedding day last for years and years and years; wherein, the magic of that moment as we would be exchanging "I do's", would be cherished not only as we would be watching dvd's of our wedding, but shall be played continuously in our minds and in our hearts...
The realist in me tells me that I should be contented with what I have right now..less worries..more time for myself..I could do what I want..I am free..etc.. But the hopeless romantic in me says that there is more to life than this. That I should be there loving, being loved, sharing real happiness and bliss. Find the woman whom I shall be sharing a happy ending with...
And in that moment, as I stood there, clapping my hands and witnessing as the newly-weds express their love and commitment to each other, I couldn't help but wish that someday it is my turn to be that happy too..
Just another Intro
Just kidding. The next articles, (though I've already posted before), I'm gonna post again....
Read on....
A Zeitgeist discussion
First time I'm gonna try this blogging thing. I actually did this on one of those social networking sites (one of those older ones - hell, I am not really updated on the newer ones - like I care).
Anyhow, a small discussion has started in one of the e-groups that I am a part of. Instead of wasting my friends' email space by replying there, I would opt to share my thoughts here instead.
I am not sure if you guys have heard of Zeitgeist. It is a nice movie/documentary. It features (basically could be considered as) a conspiracy theory. Watch Video
What makes it interesting, IMHO, is that how it structured its points. From trying to discredit Christianity (part one: the greatest story ever told) - wherein it states that C
hristianity basically plagiarizes the other religions as the stories that Christianity uses are derived from other stories (Hindi, Greek, etc), which then originated from pagan deities. That Christianity (a myth) was created and used by the Romans then to control their society. And through the use of power, persuasion, and belief, makes Christianity - through the Vatican - a very strong element in order to influence society until today.Then on with Parts 2 and 3, wherein it built the premise that major events (those of which the US is involved) are just for show: the US participation in WWI and WWII, its war on terror (triggered by the 9-11 attacks), and the great depression (?). These were done in order for certain banking clans to benefit - whether financially or amassing more power (from buying off banks, to bankrolling war funds, to monopolizing oil, etc).
I am not really a fan of going to churches, hearing masses, witnessing religious fanatics put all their faith (rather blindly) to JC and doing nothing and just relying on his omnipresence. Sheeesshh...that is pathetic. But I don't see myself as an aethiest (nor I don't see myself as becoming one - ever). But, let us say I'd like to keep my options open. That's why we have brains for - to think, to explore options. Hence, I became hooked on Zeitgeist from the start, thinking that this is really an interesting watch.
The way that it structured its "truths" is really logical (IMHO). If you might notice, I've placed quotation marks on the previous statement, because those ideas mentioned there could not be proved - neither publicly nor in the court of law; definitely not in our lifetime.
Nevertheless, true or not, the way that ideas were presented were quite logical. Unlike the ideas presented in other publications - hmmm..like...the bible? The director of the movie may be some naysayer or could be an ordinary pessimistic guy who - just for the heck of it - constructed fine pieces of a puzzle which actually fit (again logically) as he narrated the story. And that is a definite upgrade from those "religious" personalities telling their own stories. Oh yes, I'm talking to you Mike Velarde, and you, the founder of Iglesia ni Cristo (that Manalo guy), and other leaders/founders of these sects. Darn, why weren't I born witty and charismatic, I could have created my own fellowship/church, and make serious money. I tell you, religion is definitely a powerful and a serious-money making tool. ** Sigh **
But going back, once my interest was piqued by how the movie started, it actually built on that foundation. The way society was - and is - being controlled; how the emotions of the public are being played upon. And when it featured the "staged" 9-11 crash. I went like "Hey, I may be dumb at physics and the other sciences, and definitely forensics, but the way it featured their facts, it seemed waayyyy logical to me". The fact that there were no plane pieces from the crash - that I'd like to research more about. The team from CSI New York should have at least taken a look at the rubble (that was a lame attempt at a joke - forget it).
The documentary, as a whole, is very, very interesting. But you should have an open mind when you'd watch it. As a friend told us "that we should take all those presented with a grain of salt" - I am not exactly sure what that means. I just assumed that it has the same context - not to thoroughly believe on what were said.
Those who are not open-minded (I guess) could not finish the first part, as it would be challenging their faith. That's alright, no one's forcing anyone. And those who are actually interested are not really pessimists (more like being realistic). It would not really mean abandoning common sense and believing in this whole brouhaha wholeheartedly - as contrite and logical it may seem. (oh yes El Shaddai followers, I'm talking to you - that type of support defies common sense - sheeesh....use your brains for once!).
Furthermore, it doesn't mean abandoning the optimist, the dreamer in us. The more people think, the more they would weigh things, their pros and cons. The more they would want to know the "truth" - be it of different versions, which would actually help them in the long run. And not just be blinded by either side. That's why I've kept on repeating the word 'logical'. As at most, the whole theory is believable. Because, a conspiracy theory, basically is just another theory. A thought.
I raised this question in that discussion as well. If we were introduced to these such theories when we were younger. Wherein our faith was just starting, would our perception of reality be different from what it is today?
Think about it.